Monday, February 16, 2009

Dating Your Spouse

Did you know that the divorce rate of first marriages is somewhere between 40 and 50%? And that it gets higher for second and third marriages? In fact, being Christian doesn't seem to have much impact on the stats. Now I am far from an educated psychologist, but I have a theory on why that happens:


Now let me explain this a bit. When we find someone we are attracted to and we begin to "hang-out" together, we go out of our way to put our best out there. We make sure that we have taken a shower, have deodorant on (and perhaps perfume/cologne), our teeth are brushed, our hair is combed, our clothes are nice, etc. I think you guys get the idea. Many times, during dating we don't see each other every day - possibly only on Friday/Saturday nights. So even if we had a bad day or a bad week, we are still excited to see our girlfriend/boyfriend when the weekend comes.

Now when you get married, there is a euphoria that rules for a while. But eventually, real life shows up. You have a bad day, you get sick, you wake-up with bad breath, you stink-up the bathroom, you get in a fight, whatever. It happens. Anyone who has been married for much longer than a week will be able to relate (if not, they're probably lying). But there is hope.


No, I am not saying go looking for a affair - start dating your spouse again. Find a night that you can set the DVR to record "real-life" and you and your spouse can get away. Find a babysitter if you have kids. Guys this means that you NEED to make a plan on what the night will look like. Ladies this means you may have to give a little grace if its been a while since your guy asked you out (he may be a little rusty).

For some couples, once a month may be all that you can do right now. For others you may be able to have a night set aside each week. Lori and I try to have a date each week. Now they are not always "great" dates. Sometimes we get a pizza and watch TV. Sometimes we go to a restaurant and a movie. Sometimes we do something a little more exciting. Sometimes we get in an argument. It is not always great, but the cumulative effect of taking the time and making the effort has made a huge difference in our marriage and I know it will in yours too.

BTW - You can afford it, you may just have to start with frozen pizza and Blockbuster Video instead of Longhorn and Manchester Theaters. Figure something out.

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!


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