Couple Talk 10.25.09

Read:
Proverbs 31:30

Brag on Her:
The above verse tells us that a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Husbands, share with your wife something you appreciate about her spiritual life.

Husbands, share with your wife some of the other things you appreciate about her. The subject is wide open. Just spend a few minutes bragging on her.

Husbands, share with your wife what you would miss if she was no longer with you.

Both of You:
Take a moment to see your wife or husband the way you imagine God sees her or him. What does God see in them that you don't give them enough credit for? Share your thoughts with each other.

Discuss when you tend to give each other your undivided attention. If this doesn't happen often enough, discuss ways to schedule more time for each other.

Tell Her:
Husbands, share with your wife the area or areas where you would like her to give you more support or help. This may not be easy for some guys, but give it a shot. Trust that your wife loves you and wants to support you. Remember, she can't read your mind anymore that you can read her mind.

Pray:
Discuss what you think God may want you to pray about as a couple. Then go ahead and pray about it.

Set List 10.25.09

Here is the music that we used for 10.25.09: "Marriage For Dummies" - Week 7

[Worship Set]
E - Famous One - Tomlin, Reeves
E - Doxology - Crowder, Ken
E - Jesus Lover Of My Soul - Ezzy, Grul, McPherson
E - The Wonderful Cross - Tomlin, Reeves, Mason, Walt, Watts

[Closing Song]
E - Beautiful Scandalous Night - Daugherty, Hindalong

Steve Hogg was sick this week so we didn't do the scheduled "Marriage For Dummies" talk. Instead, Pastor Larry Sizemore, our Pastor to Adults, preached instead. He spoke on Luke 14:16-24 - The story of the man who threw a party but everyone who was invited turned down his invitation.

We changed up the way that we did worship this week. Normally, we have the full band and it is rocking, loud and upbeat. But this week we all sat on bar stools across the stage and did a acoustic style set. It was great to change it up and worship in a different way.

We had a lot of new faces in Reveal today and I hate that I didn't get to meet them all. Overall, it was a great day and I am looking forward to all that God is doing here in Reveal.

As always, part of Fred McKinnon's Sunday Set Lists.

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!

Will

Catalyst - Malcolm Gladwell

Since Will gave a brief recap of Andy Stanley's first session at Catalyst, I thought I would continue by giving you a recap of the second session featuring Malcolm Gladwell. While much of the focus of Catalyst is aimed at churches, Catalyst is designed as a conference aimed at leaders of any type of industry and they usually try to bring in speakers that reflect that. Malcolm - a journalist, author, and pop sociologist - is considered by many inside and outside of the church to be at the forefront of thinking about culture and its influences on society.

Malcolm tackled the issue of mistakes that leaders make. Using the story of the Battle of Chancellorsville and General Joe Hooker, he illustrated one of the biggest mistakes that leaders make. Even though Hooker and the Union army far outnumbered Lee and the Confederate army, the Confederate army ended up defeating the Union army in large part due to mistakes that Hooker made.

The night before the battle began, Hooker made the infamous statement that "God Almighty could not keep us from victory." It was Hooker's hubris that led him to make tactical mistakes that led to his army's defeat and ultimately his removal as leader of the Union forces.

Gladwell pointed out that most leaders fail not because of incompetence or a lack of knowledge. People who are incompetent or ignorant rarely ascend to leadership positions. Most leaders fail because of an over-confidence in their knowledge or control of a situation.

Ironically, during times of crisis, many people want leaders who are bold, daring and decisive. However, the greatest need during a time of crisis are leaders who are humble and willing to listen to others.

-- Peace, Jamie

Sunday Recap

This was week 6 of our Marriage For Dummies series and Steve dealt with two needs of husbands and wives. The first part of the sermon dealt with a wife's need for spiritual leadership from her husband. The second part of the sermon dealt with man's need for sex. Here are some of the highlights:

• Men WILL set the spiritual tone for the family.
• 74% of children attend church when both parents are active. Only 39% will attend if only the mom is active. 66% will attend if only the dad is active.
• "Sex for men is like talking is for women with respect to feeling loved, cared about and special." Dr. Laura Schlessinger
• "Wives might be able to better understand this if they think about how they would feel if their husbands didn't want to talk or listen to them." Emerson Eggerichs
• If sex is a problem in your marriage, what can you do? Talk about (seek counseling if needed) and be willing to learn (read)
• The biggest obstacle to a great sex life can be time, especially after children come along.
• "The sexual relationship progresses or regresses in direct proportion to how much attention you give it." David and Claudia Arp

Steve has recommended a lot of books during this series and quoted from them a good bit today. Here are some of the books that he recommends.

• No Time For Sex by David and Claudia Arp
• Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs
• His Needs Her Needs by Willard Harley
• The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

As Will pointed out, Sunday was a crazy day at Reveal. There are four people trained to work in the media booth and none of them were able to be here. That left me to try to figure out lights, sound, and presentation. Additionally, we dismissed middle school-age and under just before the sermon because Steve wanted the freedom to say things about sex that needed to be said. So we also had to make sure we had extra adults to assist with that. All in all, it was a very good week at Reveal.

Next week, Steve will talk about two more needs of husbands and wives. We're getting to the end of the series. If you have missed any messages to this point, go to www.marriagefordummies.net to catch up.

-- Peace, Jamie

Couple Talk 10.18.09

Spiritual Satisfaction
Do you feel God is satisfied with where you are in your spiritual life right now? Share with your spouse your thoughts about yourself and some changes that could help you to grow spiritually.

Spiritual Leadership
Several issues cause some men to think that they can't be spiritual leaders for their family. Just know that it does not mean you have to be a great teacher. In fact, most of us are not teachers. Neither does it mean you have to be a better communicator than your wife. It does mean you will have a genuine, growing relationship with Jesus. It means you will serve Jesus and openly live for Him. It means you will study the Bible and talk openly about your faith. It means you set the tone for your family and lead by example. Share with your wife your thoughts about the following:

• Things you currently do to show your commitment to Jesus
• What you would like to do, but may be afraid to try of feel you don't know how to do them
• Ways your wife can encourage or help you be a spiritual leader

Expectations
Each of you has expectations for your marriage. Using a scale of one to ten, with one meaning "you definitely do not understand my expectations," indicate how well you think your spouse really understands what you expect and need in the following areas. Make sure you understand each other and then agree on steps to better meet each other's expectations for each area.

• Intimacy and closeness
• Romance
• Sexual fulfillment

Comparing Notes
Take a few moments of alone time for each of you to write your answers to the following questions. Then come together and discuss your answers.

1. What are the positive aspects of your love life?
2. What changes do you need to make as a couple so your love life can be fresh and growing?
3. What do you want your love life to look like in ten years? What will you do now to begin moving in that direction?

Help Needed
If you would like the Pastor to recommend a counselor or book to read, email him at steveh@fbcrockhill.org (Emails sent to this address go directly to the Pastor and will remain confidential.)

Set List 10.18.09

Here is the music that we used for 10.18.09 - "Marriage For Dummies" - Week 6:

[Opening Song]
A - Keep Your Hands To Yourself - Georgia Satellites

[Worship Set]
D - We Have Overcome - Israel Houghton (Elevation Worship Version)
Bb - O Praise Him - David Crowder
B - Jesus Paid It All - Grape/Hall/Nifong (Kristian Stanfill Version)

[Closing Song]
B - Calling Out To You - Tommy Walker

This weeks sermon title was "What Husbands and Wives Need: Sex and Spiritual Leadership" so we thought that it would be kinda humorous to play "Keep Your Hands To Yourself" as the opener for a talk on sex. I mean it's not every Sunday that you get to play your favorite 80's tune in church. It went over great! Exactly what I had hoped for.

Overall, this was a good weekend of worship even though for me it was extremely stressful. Steve White, our choir director, was at a wedding this weekend so that meant that I had to lead worship in the 9:15 Traditional Service this week. It also meant that I had to wear a suit and tie - which for those of you that know me only happens for weddings, funerals, and 9:15 services! I also decided this time to not use my guitar at 9:15 like I did last time, which made me a little more uncomfortable. But it went off well.

In 10:30, things were very normal and I thought that worship went off well. The audience was engaged and the team did a great job.

In Reveal however things got off to a rough start. Normally I am done with the 10:30 service by about 11:00 and have time to prep things and get my mind switched from one set list and band to the other. But because I had to lead the invitation song this week in Steve's absence, I didn't get into the other service until 11:45. To compound this problem, La Red (our new Hispanic Service) kicked off Saturday night and the sound board was still set up for them. So I was kinda running ragged trying to get the sound board ready (especially since we didn't have a sound tech for Reveal this morning!) We finally got going, but my in-ear monitors were pegging out on the box and it made everything muddy so I just took them out and played with no monitor.

It continues to amaze me how God seems to really show up in times like this though. Even though I was very stressed and my mind was running crazy from 3 music sets with 3 different bands, God showed up in a powerful way during the singing portion of worship this weekend. Praise Be To God! Because I know that it wasn't me.

As always, part of Fred McKinnon's Sunday Set Lists.

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!

Will

Catalyst Videos

Will shared with you some of what Andy Stanley said at Catalyst which was absolutely incredible. I wanted to share two videos with you. The first is a quick, funny video that involved 12 inches of water in an inflatable swimming pool. We had a great view of 'the leap' and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cheer so I did both.

Professor Splash Breaks World Record! from Catalyst on Vimeo.

The second video is longer (almost 20 minutes) but it made 13,000 people cry in unison. Will said he had seen something like this happen before. It was a first for me. Let's just say that this video took 19 years to make and is well worth the 20 minutes of your time.

Catalyst 2009 Compassion Moment from Catalyst on Vimeo.

-- Peace, Jamie

On Your Mark

Andy Stanley kicked off the Catalyst Conference with a great talk on Joshua.

His two key verses were Joshua 23:8 and Joshua 5:13-14.

He talked about how Joshua's life hinged on the event before the battle of Jericho when he meets the Angel of the Lord (5:13-14). Joshua is out surveying the city before the attack and meets the angel with his sword drawn. Joshua asks a question that most of us would ask: "Are you for us, or against us?"

The angel has a great answer: "No."

Here are some blurbs from Andy's talk about this:

• "God is not coming to be a part of our story, He is asking us to be a part of His!"
• "Wrap your identity around who you are for, not who is for you."
• "Whose side are you on, not whose on your side."
• Charles Stanley - "God takes full responsibility for a life wholly devoted to Him."
• Charles Stanley - "My responsibility is to be obedient to God and to trust Him with the consequences."
• "God has designed, created, gifted and positioned you!"
• "You have no idea what God wants to accomplish through you."
• "Our mark isn't worth our life"
• "Living to make my mark is to small a thing to give my life for."

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!

Will

Couple Talk 10.11.09

Words have power for good or bad, and we are responsible for the words that come out of our mouth. When we're upset or having an argument with our spouse, we must be especially careful. Below are some questions for you and your spouse to answer/discuss to see if you are on track with God's plan for your speech.

Each of you are to choose the response you think best describes yourself and your spouse. Then discuss your choices.

1. Are you quarrlesome? Do you have a need to prove you are right or have the last word?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

2. Are you hot tempered and defensive? Do you get angry easily?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

3. Are you reluctant to admit when you're wrong?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

4. Do you make assumptions about your spouse and assign motives to what they do?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

5. Do you hold grudges against your spouse and bring up past hurts when discussing a new issue?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

6. Do you use sarcasm and negative humor to put your spouse down?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

7. Do you use harsh words that cut and wound your spouse?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

8. Do you fail to listen? Do you jump to conclusions before you fully hear what your spouse is saying?
__Never __Seldom __Occasionally __Often __Habitually

Set List 10.11.09

Here is the music that we used for 10.11.09 - Week 5 of "Marriage For Dummies":

Eb - I Run To You - Lady Antebellum
E - Undignified - Matt Redman (David Crowder Version)
G - Born Again - Third Day
D - Hope Now - Addison Road
E - I Still Believe - Jeremy Camp

I was off the stage for the second week in a row. This time because our staff went to Catalyst in Atlanta. While there Jamie and I visited two churches, Perimeter Church on Saturday and 12Stones on Sunday.

I was told that Allison and Tommy did a great job leading the musical portion of worship Sunday! So many thanks to them for their hard work. I am looking forward to being back in Reveal this week after two weeks off.

As always part of Fred McKinnon's Sunday Set Lists.

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!

Will

Lines

This has been a wild week. I spent the first two days doing five days worth of work so that I could spend the next three days at Catalyst Conference in Atlanta. Spending time listening to Andy Stanley, Louie Giglio, Chuck Swindoll, Francis Chan and more great speakers was tough but someone had to do it.

For those who hear my sermon in August about my extreme distaste (e.g. hatred) for anything resembling a line, I thought you would enjoy both my tweet and my picture of the 'line' to get into the conference on Thursday morning.

I don't like lines, but I especially don't like lines that have no semblance of order to them. The lines at Catalyst were the definition of unorganized lines. I called them blobs.

Anyway, Will and I haven't posted much this week because we've been busy being inspired and challenged. We will not be at Reveal tomorrow but will be capably replaced by others.

If you're reading this late on Saturday night or early Sunday morning, enjoy Reveal. We will be back next Sunday.

-- Peace, Jamie

Couple Talk 10.04.09

Read: Ephesians 5:33

Discuss:
God tells husbands to love their wives and then tells wives to respect their husbands. Why do you think God gave different commands to husbands and wives?

Communication:
It is important that we talk to each other about our relationship. But doing this is not always easy. Men and women tend to communicate differently, and this often leads to miscommunication and hurt feelings. Sometimes we communicate our feelings in very negative language, causing our spouse to become defensive. The issue we mention may not even be the real issue. We even attack each other and assign motives. Try this exercise:

Ladies, think of something your husband did that made you feel unloved. Share it with him this way..."I know you love me - but when you did (name what he did) - it made me feel...I don't think you intended it that way, but this is how it made me feel."

Men, think of something your wife did that made you feel disrespected or like you could seldom do anything right in her eyes. Share it with her this way..."I know you love me - but when you did (name what she did) - it made me feel...I don't think you meant for me to feel rejected...but this is how it came across to me."

Discuss:
God created women to need love and affection. He also created men to need respect and admiration. Yet often we don't know how to express love or respect in the way our spouse needs it. We may think we are expressing love or respect, but our spouse doesn't see it of feel it. Talk about the following questions so you can better understand how to show love and respect to each other.

• Husbands, how do you currently try to show your wife you love her?
• Wives, how do you currently try to show your husband you respect him?

• Husbands, what can you do to show your wife more love? Ask for her suggestions.
• Wives, what can you do to show your husband more respect? Ask him for suggestions.

Celebrate:
Men - share with your wife some of the reasons you love her and what you think makes her a very special person.

Wives - share with your husband some of the reasons you respect him and what you really appreciate about the person he is and the things he does.

Weekend Recap

It was an exciting weekend. I had the privilege of heading down to Camp Longridge for an overnight trip with the students from First Baptist. I think I tweeted this at some point on Saturday. I was indeed reminded what I loved most about student ministry and at the same time reminded what I don't really miss about it.

The Friday night - Saturday event was a good get-away. We got to focus on worship as well as spend some free time on Saturday hanging out by the lake at Longridge. With no cell service, it was easy to feel disconnected. I think that most of us would benefit from unplugging more than we do. As we approached civilization and cell service returned, my phone buzzed for a few minutes catching up on all the text messages. Don't worry, I'm not that popular, most were scoring updates from the Gamecocks and Tigers games.

Sunday at First Baptist was another exciting day. I spent most of the morning getting things ready for lunch at Reveal. But I did get the privilege of baptizing two people at our 10:30 worship gathering. Our attendance was down some on Sunday but we did have some new faces at Reveal. This allowed a lot of our regular attenders to spend some time after Reveal eating lunch with some of our guests. There was a good vibe going on in the cafe as we ate, talked, and hung out. Lunch is becoming an integral part of Reveal, even if it does mean missing the first 100 laps of a race.

Next week we will continue our Marriage for Dummies series at Reveal. Will and I will be out of town this week. We will be in Atlanta visiting a couple of churches in the area after wrapping up Catalyst on Friday night. I look forward to hearing some great things from Reveal!

-- Peace, Jamie

Set List 10.04.09

Here is the music that we used for 10.04.09 - Marriage For Dummies - Week 4:

[Worship Set]
Majestic - Lincoln Brewster
Awesome Is The Lord - Chris Tomlin
Holy Is The Lord - Chris Tomlin
You'll Come - Brooke Fraser

[Closing Song]
Beautiful The Blood - Steve Fee

We had guest band leader today - Matt Garner. He came down from Kentucky to lead for our Youth Retreat this weekend and stayed over to lead at church this morning. It was great to have a week to just sit with my wife and worship and not have to worry about things going smoothly and stuff.

We had lunch this week after Reveal and it was great to chat with some new people and catch up with some familiar faces.

As always, part of Fred McKinnon's Sunday Set Lists.

Dream Big...Pray Bigger!

Will

Lunch

Just a reminder that we will be serving lunch in the Cafe immediately following Reveal this Sunday afternoon. We will have BBQ with sides. There is no charge for the meal but we will have a basket for donations to help defray the cost of the meal. Take the opportunity to invite someone to join you at Reveal this week.

-- Peace, Jamie